Brittany

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 03:31:34 GMT

I'm broken. I'm hurting more than i ever thought possible from you. and it's becuz i can only assume right now. even if you were here to tell me otherwise, i dont think i can believe you. i'm worried the last 7 months have been a lie. i don't believe you could ever do this to me, but the written proof is hard to ignore. i don't know wat to think. and wats even worse, is i have absolutely no one to talk to right now. ur gone. i have no friend who are here to talk to me. wat can i think? i'll cry myself to sleep and pray to god somehow i can forget about this, but.. how can i?... this is the closest my heart has ever been to breaking, one more thing and it will. i don't want this to be a lie. i dont want to think these things. i'm fuckin dying inside

this sucks

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 16:22:54 GMT

so i guess the way it works is as the days get closer to when i see him, the harder it becomes and the more i miss him.. i'm missing him more now then i did any other point since we've been together.. 17 days and i'm leaving.. i need them to go by faster than anything right now cuz i want to be with him. :(

22 days!!

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 19:46:36 GMT

that's right. 22 days and i get to see my baby again!

oh my i can't wait, it will be incredible, 13 days with him.:)

i just really want to be in his arms, cuddle, watch disney movies:d haha

it's gonna be the best 13 days in a long time..

Am i crazy?

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 07:07:22 GMT

i am. i've come to that conclusion, or just super jacked for march!

i want to dance. i got butterflies. i love my baby. he's everything to me. i want to live. jesus this is where it start. techno man. fuck the past. it's that for a reason.

i'm done living through memories.

i'm dead inside.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 08:35:06 GMT

i'm sorry i asked. it hurt me not to know, but it kills me now that i do. i could manage to ignore the 2 girls, that other bitch, and who i thought was the fourth. until i found out who she actually was. it killed me. i literally felt my heart rip. i have a feeling of disgust that i dont know wat its gonna take to get rid of, i don't know how i'm going to be able to kiss you, and i have no clue how long it's going to take til we can be sexual again. bcuz i'm honestly so disgusted that it doesnt matter that it's in the past. the person i hate most has now ruined how i look at you. how can i look at you and see you the same? i know i've delt with this before but why her? why? why? god i wish i could erase your past becuz it killed me. as bad as it sounds i sometimes wish i knew all this before i fell in love with you.. cuz i would have chosen to stay away.

fucked up

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 21:12:12 GMT

Trust me, I'm gonna take you to a place where you'll forget everything. It's sick and twisted, but you'll like it. Along the path of broken dreams, with the moonlight silouhetting the horrid shapes of everything surrounding you. You come to a cross road, and pick the unpredictable path of life. Death would have suited you better.

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 19:24:47 GMT

i'm not even in the same province as them and they still find a way to bring me down.. and now i find out i might be going back in december? i can't go back that soon.. today was the first day i've felt that depressed in a long time.. and i hated it. but i think i'm being stupid to enjoy everything i have becuz one of these days it's all going to be taken away from me again.. like why did i let scott fall in love with me? now i've just set him up for pain because i'm going to leave.. i don't regret falling in love with him but he's going to regret it.. god i love him i can't leave him.. i dont even know if my body is going to be able to handle leaving when i have to.. and he thinks that even if he's gone for months at a time we'll be able to get through it.. i can't even handle going 5 days without seeing him, how am i going to last months?.. i just don't know what to do.. i feel like i'm in 2 lives, and my better one is only teasing me and laughing at me cuz it knows i can't really be happy.

how did this happen

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 00:18:15 GMT

I was living in hell, i felt more alone then anyone could ever imagine. And then I come down here.. I remember telling Shaina I wasn't coming down here to find a boyfriend.. and I end up finding the perfect guy. I can't believe how happy he makes me, it scares me, but in a good way. I don't want to think about what's going to happen down the road, all I know is i'm falling for him faster than I thought I ever could for anyone.. And I know he feels the same.

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 17:50:36 GMT

I didn't mean for this to happen.. I fuck everything up. I thought it would be so different, I didn't imagine it like this.. What the hell am I going to do?..

God I feel like shit, I have no clue what's going on .. and I ruin everything..

Wat did I do..

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 02:52:29 GMT

By coming here, I now realize that I dont want to go back becuz it's like the stress and depression r waiting for me at my doorstep..i just dont know wat to do.. I'd be here for 6 months more for school.. but could i handle that?

I know i'd miss some things but i'd be gaining my own sanity .. I could be myself again..

I just don't know

hell.

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 03:41:45 GMT

Across that line,
Not quite a line which is the blood
Slice through like a knife,
It wouldn't matter

Change The mind of one you can't control
Create Fear and Sorrow where it could not form anymore
Overwelm the thoughts of hatrid and confusion.
Take a chance at killing the soul of another.

Hope no longer exists.
Defeat or be defeated.
Never a mutual thing.

Would you kill the mind of another?
If your answer is no, you already have, maybe unintentionally
If you said yes for your own sick reasons,
Then you are the soul of my entry.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 03:32:46 GMT

looks like i'm out of here next week. i find out the details tommorow. I don't know how long i'm gone for, but it'll b good for me.. good learning experience.. i'm fuckin tired of people telling me i'm running away from my problems. That's not what i'm doing at all. I'm taking myself out of an environment that will soon kill me. It's not running away when you're saving urself. I'll miss certain people but there's really not much for me here right now.. for however long i'm gone it'll be worth it.. maybe i'll be back in time for school.

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 23:17:29 GMT

It's funny how the little things in life can piss you off just as much as all the others... I can't wait til I'm old enough, and I have enough money to get out of here and away from these fuckin people cuz im not dealing with this bullshit anymore. Just because i'm the fuckin youngest i get treated like shit and everyone else comes before me like they're more important. I'm fuckin done with this.

I think i'm packing my bags. It'll b fuckin sweet.

fucked

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 06:05:20 GMT

The door is closed now. Locked from the inside. It seems all calm and quiet, that is, while the light is on. The time rounds, almost the hour where that light can't help anymore. Get the feeling your being watched? Can't fight that invisible feeling any longer. Out goes the light. Almost instantly, that feeling of being watched is anything but that of one person. There are more. Surrounding yourself with every positive thought you have, only to realize that it's just getting closer. A noise once again breaks your concentration of all things joyful. You hear things you can't explain, but pray your're just paranoid. It won't help this time. Your heart is beating too fast to calm down. No matter what you do they're always watching. Give in and turn the light on and feel the ease set over your body for another night without sleep has just passed by.

What the hell

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 08:34:47 GMT

K, so it's what? 4:30 am now, and I'm battling insomnia and the centepede that has made itself comfy on my ceiling over my bed. I can't sleep anymore, I have to drain myself completely to get even a couple hours sleep. I'm too paranoid for my own good and I don't know why. I'm hearing things and they keep me awake... So I don't really know what to do about it. I would really like to be able to fall asleep, but it's not going to happen, I always have to trick myself. So I guess I'll sit in the rocking chair and watch the damn television screen like I have been doing for hours every night.. you wouldn't believe how many times the same shows repeat.

Going home

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 02:21:27 GMT

that's right. I'm going home now, well to my sister's .. but it's a step i guess. I miss jalyn so much.. although once i get there im sure that i'll be annoyed at her and jj quick enough. But it's been a while so It'll be easier going back now. I miss my doggy too. But i'm really gonna miss spending this much time with my family, I really haven't seen them this much in a long time.. it's been fun, but i need to get back, and I NEED to see my friends.. I miss them.

My life

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 05:28:31 GMT

I would like to believe that it all gets better one day, that if we have suffered, it will all be worth it when we're older.

At least that's what I tell myself everyday. I live off my dreams because they're all I have. But they will be more than that one day, because I couldn't live life without them.

It's funny how many different situations the word alone can fit into. And no matter how many times you repeat it, you never feel better.

I shouldn't dwell on the past, but I used to be so happy.

Fucked up

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 04:19:24 GMT

How the hell did this happen?
I think i still don't believe it..
Maybe i thought that if i didn't tell anyone... then it wasn't true.

But i still don't believe it.. Maybe I should be alone

I can't ruin everyone elses lives that way..

why tho? things were great, ARE great.

Another horrible truth that i won't live up to

If you say so..

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 02:35:03 GMT

Do i have to be poetic?
Or a sick phase of Everything?

All things have to have meaning,
It's the way of life
I can't be straight with you,
Because that would be wrong

But maybe if i search my thoughts,
I'll find one that is true.
That is whole,
And not just an assumption.

Ponder
Question
Fuck
Do it again

The real truth, because it's what i promised
Although that wouldn't really matter
Cuz if you say so
Do you get it now?

I didn't think so

My current thoughts

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 04:12:18 GMT

I don't exactly know how to explain myself anymore but to write things down makes it easier..maybe someone will understand me this way. i'm really tired of people judging me based on what i look like. Because i dont even get along with people that look like me. I'm completely different from anyone i've ever met, and for once i would like to meet someone who can understand me for who i am, because i'm sick of being judge for being myself. I don't fit in with a group.. i've accepted that, but why is it so hard for others to see that? I just don't know anymore.. is it worth being alone to be happy with yourself? I'm still trying to figure that one out..